


Belief in the honesty, fairness or benevolence of another

by rangerkier



Category: BomBARDed (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-13 21:12:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16899921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rangerkier/pseuds/rangerkier
Summary: Spoilers for Episode 27. Raz'ul thinks about trust





	Belief in the honesty, fairness or benevolence of another

It hadn’t been easy, admitting to his friends that he couldn’t control what he transformed into, that he was a failure at the most useful thing he could do as a druid. Even though the display he had put on just before had more or less confirmed what suspicions they surely already had. He could feel tears welling up and shame burning his face as he lost control and raised his voice, all but shouting his secret at them. 

And when he’d asked if they were happy, Randy had responded with a ‘yes’ and a smirk. At the time he was hurt, even more ashamed than he had been. Randy was glad that he struggled so much with this? Glad that he was so much of a failure, that he couldn’t do anything right? That this ability he had, that for other druids was one of their best tricks that could get them out of any situation, could potentially make a situation worse for them if he tried to use it?

But a little later, once they’d been on the road for a little while and he’d cooled down, he thought maybe that wasn’t what Randy had meant. Maybe Randy had just meant he was happy that Raz’ul had actually told them, that he had trusted them with his secret.

Because they were his friends, and he could trust them with anything.

\--

It hadn’t been easy, handing Usumptin over to Yashee. Getting it, this axe, this guitar, this weapon, this instrument, it hadn’t been easy. And it had cost a lot. For a while, he was so worried someone would pop up out of the trees and take it back that he hardly let it be away from his person, only removing it and setting it to the side when he had to sleep. As time went on, that got a bit better, he could set it next to his chair in a tavern so he could sit more comfortably, he could set it aside so it wouldn’t hinder him as he performed some other task. But even now, he didn’t like it being out of his sight. He’d never left it behind in the dorm room when they went to get food or do anything else around Strumlott’s; it was always with him.

And other people touching Usumptin had always been a big old no-no. There were several times he could recall off the top of his head, where what was probably just some well meaning, curious individual had reached out to try to do just that, to gently run their hand down Usumptin’s neck, or feel the blade, unable to believe it could function as both a guitar and an axe. And every time, he had jerked Usumptin away from their hand, startling them, preventing their touch. Many of those times he had to come up with some explanation, something he could tell them to keep them from taking offense, from trying again. 

So when he held Usumptin out to Yashee without thinking, even though it was his own idea, he hesitated, old panic resurfacing as he watched her hand reach for it. It made sense, didn’t it? If they wanted to break the chain, Usumptin was the best weapon they had to do it. And Yashee was the strongest wielder they had, with the best chance of actually breaking through. But when she grabbed the offered handle, he didn’t let go, staring down at both their hands as he wondered if he actually wanted to do this. In the end, after what was probably only a few seconds hesitation, he let go and allowed her to take it. She couldn’t manage it either, but it didn’t matter. She gave Usumptin back and they came up with another plan.

And Raz’ul thought, maybe he didn’t have to be as careful as he always had, not with them. He could let his guard down, let them take Usumptin for a moment, turn his back from where it leaned against a wall with Yashee and Randy around. 

Because they were his friends, and he could trust them with anything. 

\--

Now, as Raz’ul finished his song, he looked back over his shoulder. He couldn’t see the hill with the bushes, with Yashee and Randy, but he could see the glow, the firelight that they had created. He looked forward, his image of Miyagoato and the world beyond blurry as he tried to ignore what they had done, what they had done to the bear berries.

What they had done to him.

He was sure it was obvious, that these were living, sentient creatures, even if the other two couldn’t understand their words. They watched him talk to them, heard his many asides as he told them how cute the bears were, how he wished his they could talk to them as well. 

And Yashee still said she wanted to eat one. 

No! No no nononono! What came out of his mouth was more coherent and complete than that, but that was all that went through his mind. These weren’t food, they were just tiny little beings trying to protect their home. 

And Yashee had scooped one up and ran anyway.

He tried, he tried one last time to stop her, casting hold person on her. But she broke free. She dangled the bear she held over her mouth, teasing Raz’ul, like her goal was to hurt him now more than just to eat the bear. He shouted, tears just held back, she had to stop, she had to.

She didn’t. 

She ate the others that climbed on her hand to attack when she picked up the first one, she tossed one to Randy. She tried to get Raz’ul to eat one and he felt sick, the tears now streaming freely down his face. The world was blurry and red as he watched what they did, as they started fighting these beings that were smaller than their palms. 

And along with his vision, his actions, his memories got blurry. He knew had left, he was still riding away on Miyagoato. But he had also sent the two boars to attack Yashee and Randy. One of the scariest things was, he didn’t feel bad about that. And why should he? He was sure they didn’t feel bad about what they had done either. And they took the attacks much better than the bears took theirs. 

He had tried, tried to get them not to, with his words and with his magic. He thought they would listen, that they would realize this was wrong. He thought they would stop.

Because they were supposed to be his friends, and he should have been able to trust them with anything.


End file.
